Things I’ve dribbled on my baby

Hay, girl.

Babies need to be held a lot. That means you learn to do stuff with one hand. When you do stuff with one hand while holding a baby, stuff ends up on your baby. Here’s a list of the more entertaining things I’ve dribbled and dropped on my child thus far:

• Pancake syrup
• Granola
• Blood (I had a nosebleed. Sick.)
• Root beer float
• Tortilla
• TV remote

Girl’s gotta eat.

Regarding the nosebleed, here I was just minding my own business, watching the Ryan Reynolds classic Waiting, E sleeping on my lap. Then I felt it. A nosebleed just feels so much different than, say, a runny nose. I put my hand up to my face and when I pulled it away, there it was. Blood. So I did what any normal person would do. I jumped straight up off the couch and let my baby fall into the huge divot where my ass had been, covered in blood drops. Of course he starts crying, but I’m too busy in the bathroom trying to plug up the fountain coming out of my face to deal with it. Once I got a sufficient amount of toilet paper crammed up my nose, I went and rescued E out of the couch hole. Still screaming, I decided his lunchtime had come a little early. So, I fed him with my head tilted back and a wad of TP hanging out of my nose.  It was totally glamorous.

How we work. And the couch that creates such amazing divots.