Ok, y’all. I have a confession to make. I totally wussed out on REAL Ferber last time I tried it. I’d get 7 minutes in to that third round of crying and I’d race in the room and put in his pacifier. It totally worked, so I didn’t think anything of it. Then E turned 6 months old, and everything changed. We began to encounter a little thing known as “object permanence.” Basically, that means the little guy all of a sudden realized when things were there — and when they were suddenly gone. During the day, it’s totally awesome. He recognizes when people, toys, pets, etc. are in the room and when they leave. It’s like he’s an actual tiny person now — completely a part of this world. However, what was a totally doable paci plug up once a night became putting in a pacifier every 45 minutes. All. Night. Long. Because, well, that thing he fell asleep with would fall out and be gone, and when he’d transition to another sleep cycle (I’ve done a shit ton of research, as you can see. I told you I’m obsessed with the topic of sleep.), he’d wake up because his paci was missing. Mixed with a dose of illness (both him and me) and Christmas “vacation,” and you’re looking at a haggard momma who hadn’t slept longer than 2 hours in a stretch in over two weeks. I was a zombie — and I was done.
And so real Ferber began.
Napping in his crib, wearing tiny jeans, like a big boy.
Actually, let’s clear a few things up. First, I made sure E wasn’t sick. We hit up the doctor, got all checked out, and he got a clean bill of health. Second, when he would wake up at night, he wasn’t angry. Just awake. So I knew he wasn’t hungry or in pain, he just didn’t know how to put himself to sleep without a pacifier. Third, I made sure both Peter and I were on board. I knew if we were going to do this thing, we both had to do it.
I started with his first nap of the day because I knew I’d be able to handle the crying a lot better in the day time. I did like the book said and started with 3 minutes, then went in and consoled him for less than a minute, then left. Then 5 minutes, then 10 minutes, and on and on… it took only 12 minutes. I was shocked. The second nap went about the same. Needless to say, I was feeling pretty good about this whole Ferberizing thing.
Then came the night.
At bedtime, we did our evening routine and once again it took him about 12 minutes to get to sleep. I went to bed at 8 p.m. because I just had this feeling that things might get real. At 11:40 p.m., they SO did. E woke up crying. So, I started in with the check and console thing. And I continued it for TWO HOURS. I had the shakes. I had the nervous laughs. I questioned the meaning of life. But at 1:30 a.m., he finally went to sleep. And stayed asleep until 6:30 the next morning. When he woke up, he looked at me and gave me the most beaming smile. I smiled back, fed him, and then began nursing the raging headache I had. It was rough, but we made it out with grins on our faces.
The following day was awesome. Both naps only had about a minute of crying before he was asleep. I couldn’t believe it. At bedtime, it was maybe 7 minutes. Of course, I was a nervous wreck all night, so I woke up at 2:30 a.m. and couldn’t fall back asleep. I heard him sing himself to sleep at 3 a.m., cough at 4:30 a.m., and then finally wake up crying at 5 a.m. I kind of panicked at this point. It’s so close to his normal wake up time — what do I do? Go in there? Feed him? I waited a bit and when he kept crying I went in. He had a blow out diaper and was most certainly hungry. I changed the diaper and his PJs, fed him, and he went back to sleep until 6:40. I felt like I had won a major award.
We’re now almost a week in, and I swear some sort of sorcery has occured. He doesn’t even cry anymore when I put him to sleep. He just talks a little, rolls over, and night night. He still wakes up angry between 4 and 5 a.m., but after a diaper change and some food, he goes back to sleep. Does anyone know what I should do about that early morning wake up? It’s so close to his actual wake up time that I don’t feel like Ferberizing is the key, but maybe I’m just wussing out again? Perhaps I should just keep going to bed at 9 p.m. so I can be ready for my early morning wake up call? Help, friends!
Happy baby in a box of bubble wrap. It has nothing to do with sleep training, but it’s cute. So there.
Wow. You are a stronger woman than me. I couldn’t do CIO. My son is very strong willed and gets so angry when I leave him alone and awake. He is not a great sleeper at 18 months old but times where I have left him to cry in his crib for 10 minutes in a desperate attempt to try SOMETHING, has left me a sobbing, guilt-ridden mess! I have read every sleep book out there and haven’t been able to use anything that worked for my kiddo. However, I think The No-Cry Sleep Method book might have some advice to early morning wake ups. I got it from the library.
Dude, it wasn’t easy, for sure. He lost his mind that first night, but afterwards it was like magic. Hardly any crying at all. By days 3 and 4, he barely even protested going to sleep (or staying asleep!), at least until that 4 a.m. wake up call.
But…I think Ferber would say to let help put himself back to sleep!? Is he getting 12 hours? The sleep experts say that is key (my little guy doesn’t always get that and he still wakes up several times throughout the night. I am tired ALL of the time.
He gets about 10 or 11 (7 p.m. – 6:30 a.m.) and then takes two hour and a half to 2 hour naps a day. I say 10 or 11 because I’m subtracting out all the crazy wake up times. I tried doing the appropriate check and console minute amounts at 4 a.m., but it doesn’t seem to work. We’ve gone on for an hour for two days in a row, and then I give in at 5. I think he’s hungry and has a dirty diaper, and can’t go back to sleep because those bug him. But maybe not. I’m skeptical because it’s the same time everyday. I feel like it’s just a crummy pattern, but who knows. I have an email in to the ‘ol sleep specialist to see what she thinks 🙂
*him
Wow!! He is a good sleeper!!! Can you maybe bring him into bed with you guys at 5am? I think I could do the CIO if I didn’t have to.do it. Haha.
Haha! I figured out that if I just change him, feed him and put him back in his crib, he falls back asleep in like 15 minutes or less… no crying. Just talks himself back to sleep 🙂 After that, though, we have to creep around like burglars. His sleep is so light, any little noise wakes him up and he thinks he should start his day.
And it would be so rad if you could, like, hire a CIO specialist to come in and do it for you. I would have loved to have hidden under a pillow in a cave for those first few days 🙂
Good job, Mama!
Hi Tara! I love your blog. Our little guys are about the same age, and we have the pacifier-reliance problem too. I’ve read about sleep-training, which we’ve tried lately, and it works with not a horrible amount of crying… except we totally cheat and give him the pacifier when we go in to console. So you’re saying you put him down without the pacifier? Does he use it anymore at night? You might be the inspiration we need to try sleep-training for real. He usually wakes up every two to three hours at night. He’s too old for that! And his napping is atrocious. But he’s an awesome baby other than his sleep habits. 🙂
Hey Kristin… thank you! Yes, we put him down sans paci. He doesn’t use it anymore at night or for naps… and we quit cold turkey. He can only have it during the day, and to be quite honest, he’s kind of already losing interest in it, which I didn’t expect since he loved it so much. My first round with sleep training we totally cheated too and would pop the paci in. Eventually, it really backfired on us, and like I said I was up every 45 minutes to an hour after midnight. The crying at first was rough, I’m not going to lie, but with enough support from your hubby, ice cream, and Motrin, it’s TOTALLY WORTH IT. Now he only wakes up between 4-5 a.m., and after I change and feed him, he goes back to sleep (usually) until 7. We’re also rocking two naps a day that are 1.5 to 2 hours each. It’s hard, but if you think it’s the right choice for you and your family, do it. E is an even happier little guy with all this sleep, which I didn’t think was possible!
Very cool! Great work. We will have to try ditching the paci. I think we can handle a few rough nights in exchange for the long-term for everyone. The daytime napping really needs to improve. He’s been in a rut of sleeping only 30 minutes at a time for quite some time now. I can’t figure out why — he’ll wake up from the nap even with the paci still in. But I figure maybe if he consolidated his night sleeping that it might impact daytime sleeping too. We will try it and see.
E actually does that quite often too. Our sleep consultant told us to just have him stay in there for 30 minutes after he pops awake, then call it if he still doesn’t sleep. She said as long as he’s not unhappy, don’t go get him. Elliott typically falls back asleep, which is how we get those hour to 2 hour naps.